Days of the Virus: Creativity (and Not)

It's not a new thing for me to feel torn between the relaxation of sitting down at my DAW or picking up my viola and creating anything from bizarre noises to (hopefully) transporting music and the relaxation of sitting next to my wife on our couch and taking in a movie (or, let's be honest, bingeing on some series on Netflix).  No, that is not at all a problem unique to quarantine.  Yet, for some reason, it has seemed more challenging recently than usual. 

I think part of it is that the stresses of setting up to work from home and getting my daughter's settled into their own quarantines (or worrying about them when someone else is helping them do it) and the almost inescapable fire hose of bad news has simply left me more drained at the end of each day, such that I often could do little other than be a couch potato.  And it's typically the case that my creative projects suffer when I end the day feeling really drained. 

This is understandable, but also moderately frustrating.  Prior to the outbreak, I had been working on an all-viola album, something I anticipated would take me most of this year to do, but that I felt moderately optimistic that I could complete.  Suddenly, I found myself with next to no patience nor even physical strength for practicing.  In the last few weeks, most of the work that I've done -- which is little -- has been on the computer, transcribing pieces, experimenting with effects, etc.  I feel disappointed, even as I admit how drained I am. 

Yet, it's hard to get too worked up about it, given how fortunate my circumstances are.  So far, anyway, the evidence is that my family will be able to ride this out fairly safely.  My wife and mother and I have little need to leave our house and are all good at keeping our risk low when we do.  Our daughters are safe and in good hands.  My wife and I can make our livings from home and my mother's savings are likely to be robust in the long run to the short-term ups and downs of the economy.  Hardly an hour passes when I don't feel momentarily gobsmacked at our good luck, especially when it was not long ago at all that we were much more vulnerable. 

Many of the headlines and memes I see these days are variations on the theme of having suddenly too much time.  That is definitely not my problem.  For better or worse, I need to work at least as hard as I usually do to make time to create.  On the whole, I think I'm doing okay, my predisposition to disappointment notwithstanding.  I may or may not bring my auralization of a collection of viola works into reality by 2021, but I haven't quit on it.  I have other satisfying side projects, too, to engage in, not the least of which is this blog.  The balance of work, family, and creative time is an unstable Lagrange point, requiring constant tweaking and course corrections, as small factors have unpredictably large impacts on the system.  Twas ever thus.