Going Down

Around the European winter holidays, a forum I participate in, lines.co, typically has threads about goals -- what you accomplished this year, what your plans are for next year, usually focused on music, but also incorporating life in general.  This year, one member posted about his plan for a Depth Year and his post resonated with a lot of folks, including me.  The idea is to "go deep rather than wide" or, stated more practically, focus on engaging with what you already have, rather than adding new stuff.  This is based in part on the principle that you don't need new stuff to be happy -- or that relying on new stuff to make you happy can make you unhappy -- which, like many of us in this consumer culture, I get and endorse, but maybe sometimes occasionally have a hard time following.

This year, though, a Depth Year seems not only a fit, but a natural outgrowth of last year.  In 2019, in the wake of my father's death, my mom, my wife, and I decided that we should all live together and buy a house.  This entailed helping my octogenarian mother sell and move out of her house, transport her and her stuff 1800 miles over to our neck of the woods, find and purchase a house all three of us like and which has room for one of our adult children, too, pack up our household, move, and unpack a total of three households into that one house.  This while my wife started grad school full time and I maintained a full-time private practice in psychology.  The previous several years were not dramatically different in terms of novel experiences:  major career changes, family deaths and tragedies, kids in college, etc.  So, yeah, we've had our share of new stuff.

Music-wise, too, a Depth Year feels right.  Since re-acquainting with my musical self back in late '10, I've done a lot of experimenting and exploring which, naturally, means trying new stuff.  I'm pleased with and proud of most of that work, even as I've chosen not to follow many paths I was introduced to.  On the contrary:  that exploration has wrapped me back around to where I am now, focusing on my viola, ambient music, and field recording.  Those areas feel the richest to me, with the greatest potential for satisfaction, and those are domains I intend to go deeper into.

Thus, my Depth Year will be focused, musically, on testing out how far I might be able to go technically and compositionally with my viola, exploring harmony and timbre in ambient music, and expanding field recording into longer forms (more on that in the next post).  I might also spend some time rebuilding my (piano) keyboard skills, which were never particularly great, but would be good to have, and to expand my use of and facility with my Push2, which I've had for more than three years now.  Max/MSP and Ableton Live remain my go-to software; I intend to spend more time exploring the plug-ins that are bundled with Live, especially those built with M4L, and using the knowledge I have from building my own stuff to understand them better rather than reinventing the wheel.

Personally, my mom, my wife, and I have things we want to do with our new home.  We also want to care for and support our kids as they transition to adulthood and to enjoy our time together.  I plan to spend (and have been spending) time with cherished friends, building on established relationships.  I'm also expanding my self-care, going to the gym, working with my medical providers and my psychotherapist, and using my mentor more. 

Already, I see how rich my life is and how much there is to dig into; new stuff is not really necessary.